cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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