all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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