I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your penis caused this!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
