So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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