There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
