I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
