mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
