I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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