I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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