It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
