I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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