So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
