Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
