when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
