And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
