I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
a search helicopter?!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
