No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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