Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
