I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
