Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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