I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
