I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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