doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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