A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
