u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
