we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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