Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
