I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
