You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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