My brain says no but my pants say off.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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