remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
