every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
