Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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