I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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