wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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