Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i think i just lost a toe
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
