shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
