I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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