I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
