Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I need moral support for this bender
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
