Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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