I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
