Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
