You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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