Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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