I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
