I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
