Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
