just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
