is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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