yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
