girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
